March 20th, 2012, 7:00 pm

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010-I don't see ugly

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daviddoesntgetit March 19th, 2012, 6:04 pm

This is going to be a kind of long note.

I think this was the event in my life that made me realize that maybe my sexuality wasn’t, well, like everyone else’s.

It was him and a group of friends ganging up on me telling me that I was a liar because it was impossible to not be able to judge by appearance in the same way I find that they DO judge by appearance impossible.

When I look at the face it just looks like a face to me, nothing makes it more or less attractive than this other lady on the next page. (From an artistic standpoint one might be more noticeable based on striking features. i.e. the nose)

I was a little hurt mostly by how insulted they were and by the fact that since none of them have heard or seen of a person like me and they all agreed with another I was obviously wrong and lying, after all how could a minority be right?

I thought I’d give it a try to get back into the group so I asked them why she was hot.

They couldn’t give me a reason.

“Uh, I dunno. Her cheekbones?”

Which makes me wonder, is it an emotional reason? Do you just see the face and then you feel attracted? Is it because I don’t get attracted to people I don’t see it?

I don’t really understand personally, but I understand that’s how they feel.

Regardless thinking back on that pisses me off in many ways.

1. What a bunch of assholes.
2. Why were they so mad? It was as if my lack of commonality with them was considered a personal insult to them. As if my lack of participation in this activity of theirs was meant to be a personal attack on them.

It’s not. Why are people so touchy?

3. What the fuck was with that comment about me trying to be unique? Do… do people do that? Make a persona to be unique? (That’s pathetic.) You talk about wanting to meet interesting people in college and when someone’s different you think they’re play-acting? Who gives you the right to say things like that about me?

Thinking about it makes me tired. Makes me not like telling people things about me. Not everyone sucks like these guys, right?

I, thankfully, ceased speaking to all these people from high school.

So what about you guys? Have you ever thought about how or why it is you’re attracted to a person? I’d like to hear about it.

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roxjey March 20th, 2012, 11:57 pm

Mmm first
i think its cool for you to be asexual owo

now to the matter at hand:
i am bisexual and but i think its emotional how you feel about someone
like theres no an actual answer for me
i see a girl on the street and if she is wearing a nice dress or something i think she looks pretty
and if i see a boy with a nice... aura around him i think he is cute

i think its an emotional thing but you shouldnt be worried about people like that owo

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daviddoesntgetit March 21st, 2012, 11:37 am

@roxjey: Haha, thanks? Actually, that just reminded me, a girl I first met thought it was so cool she asked me for a signature. She was high a lot.

Well I mean, yeah. Feelings are emotional, that's a given. Haha. I guess I'm mostly trying to figure out where those feelings stem from. I suppose I'll never truly understand without any feelings of attraction myself.

I suppose when you just assume something's a shared and common trait, you don't really bother trying to figure out why it's unique. If that makes any sense.

Jesus, I'm confused myself.

Haha. I wouldn't be too worried about them if they'd stop pestering me. Jesus.

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Helix_luco April 4th, 2012, 11:53 am

ahh, i can't get the comics from page 10 to 15 to load for some reason.

a lot of different things go into sexual attraction, markers of health, genetic fitness, and socioeconomic status, but it's sort of a subconscious calculation, it's very visceral.

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daviddoesntgetit April 4th, 2012, 5:32 pm

@Helix_luco: God, JESUS, I hope this is the last time I have to reupload these.

Anyways, should be fixed. Feel free to mention any more errors in the future.

Haha, that sounds good to me.

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VikingScarecrow April 6th, 2012, 12:22 am

I'm asexual too, but not entirely. It's hard to explain. I can see people and find them attractive; but that's as far as the thought goes. I don't see people and want to do weird touchy feely things with them or even get to know them. It's just sorta, "Woah, that person is hot, in a completely non-sexual way." It's very hard for me to describe to people how I like something without actually liking it. So difficult. =(

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tiki April 6th, 2012, 12:49 am

I've been there. In fact, I think I'm still there.
I'm pretty sure my friends see me as a liar in that respect, so we just don't bring the subject up at all and pretend it doesn't exist.

I hope things are easier for you now, David.

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daviddoesntgetit April 7th, 2012, 10:49 am

@VikingScarecrow: Nah, you're still asexual. Miriam's like that. Some asexuals enjoy masturbation too so there's degrees.

Haha. I don't see why you can't think someone is hot without wanting to bed them.

@tiki: I now have friends that are confused why I was nervous about telling them I'm asexual.

So yeah. I'm better. Hahaha.

Well, if they're your friends, I hope they learn to accept that side of you.

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chocophobia April 9th, 2012, 12:24 pm

This is kinda late, but...

I think that what makes a person attractive depends on how you were raised and/or what race you are. People are always attracted to the opposite of what they are. For example, a lot of white people go tanning nowadays, since they're born light. My Viet friends, on the other hand, are more attracted to light skin. They also dislike flat noses... etc.

Anyway, I found this: http://thevelvetrocket.com/2008/03/19/the-pretty-project-what-makes-someone-attractive/

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daviddoesntgetit April 9th, 2012, 5:49 pm

@chocophobia: Hmmm. I feel like if that was true, we would only have mixed-race couples. I think what a person does to themselves is based on their own idea of attraction and not necessarily others.

If you think people look pretty with make up you wear make up.

However I might agree with the opposite in terms of personality.

Haha, that's true. My co workers were laughing over a skin lightening commercial and high noses are considered beautiful. And apparently cleft chins and thick eyebrows.

That's a cultural thing I'd say.

Ah, I knew the science about it. I was just wondering on a personal level what people thought.

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Sir April 9th, 2012, 5:55 pm

I understand the not seeing people as physically attractive. (I have a hard time with that.) I only start 'an attraction' after I've gotten to know the person.

I suppose, who they are matters to me more than what they look like?

And yeah, there are both people who understand and others who just don't. And even those who don't personally understand can be understanding about it. People just vary.

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daviddoesntgetit April 9th, 2012, 6:02 pm

@Sir: Ah, that's interesting. And very demisexual.

Ah, that's always good to remember.

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Honestly...

TwinAl April 12th, 2012, 10:00 pm

I sorta know how you feel. A little. I can never tell if a person is hot or not. They all seem the same to me though I do call a few "cute" though that usually concerns anime related thingsI guess(idk) and those things re usually cute. Lol I'll never know my sexuality xD I think I'm attracted to people's hair though. I jut love their style of hair and how it looks like. I end up patting people's head because of it. =_= haha....On a side not, I don't like to judge people, so if a person asks me to give a personal opinion on someone....I wouldn't know how. Lol lovely comics btw. Thanks for sharing. ^^

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daviddoesntgetit April 13th, 2012, 9:32 pm

@TwinAl: Actually Miriam had a 2-D complex for a while too. Haha.

Haha. Are fetishes (not necessarily yours) sexuality now?

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R.I.P April 14th, 2012, 6:11 am

There can be many things that affect it, though I can somewhat relate. We were watching something on TV (The Tv awards or something) and the 'most beautiful model ever' appeared on screen. All the girls around me were all: She's so hot.

My reply was: Eh, I guess, but I don't think she's that pretty.

They then all looked at me as if I was a freak job. >> <<

Attraction can be based on many things. Some people believe it loosely relates also to what your parents look like.
Attraction I don't think actually even has to relate to how pretty someone is, or how hot. I think it can also be majorly affected by who they are too.

For me, I lived away for a bit, in a place that had 220 guys in it, and even thought, that physically some of the guys were 'hot' I was never actually attracted to any of them, and still preferred the company of the guys who I knew personality wise, who would be considered far less attractive.

Gah, my comment is longer than I intended. Sorry!

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Tree April 14th, 2012, 11:36 pm

Personally, after reflecting on my own thoughts, I think my attraction stems from past experiences. The physical features of people I looked up to or admired because they were kind or had other personality traits I appreciated became the physical features I think I'm attracted to now. Like psychologically, I think those physical traits symbolize those personality traits I liked. Is that dumb or weird? O.O;;

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Guest April 18th, 2012, 1:27 pm

I'm asexual. I'm ok at judging fellow females because I have me as a comparison point, but when it comes to guys, I am honestly stumped on attractiveness. It made me wonder for a time if I was a lesbian :/

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daviddoesntgetit April 20th, 2012, 2:48 am

@R.I.P: Nothing to apologize for! I enjoyed reading it. Miriam's the same way. Old, Asian ladies love to talk about how women look and Miriam always has trouble joining in, haha.

But anyways, interesting.

@Tree: That's not dumb or weird. That sounds almost demisexual, either ways I think it's a good way to look at people.

@guest: Haha. I see. Ah, I remember that confusing period, always fun.

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hyeonmu April 27th, 2012, 5:23 pm

I've thought about why people judge on appearance; I suspect it's because people tend to rely on vision a lot, so they judge based on that. Sometimes I wonder how blind people think of "attraction."

I don't think I'm sexually attracted to anyone/thing currently. I like to analyze people physically though, like "oh he's got a fragile-looking jawline but it's offset by his cleft chin." It's probably self-image related, but I'm trying to get to the bottom on this.

The concept of loyalty is appealing to me though. But maybe that has to do with risk management. Hrm...

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Flari June 13th, 2012, 3:48 pm

I think visual attraction can't be really described... but do you know how with baby cats all you think is "CUUTEEE"?

Something like that, in our unconscious, makes us like something. Like we like a color, or a certain flower, it depends on taste, influence and a lot of different things. tastes can change, as can influences.

Also, there is this thing we "feel" when we see a person, only if we meet them directly. Like an aura, that's also what makes love on first sight possible. Something Supernatural, and yes, I do believe in those kind of senses, that people have them.

For myself, bisexual it is, though i know some people who are asexual or had asexual phases. Also I've heard different opinions on what asexual really means. My opinions is, that we should stop making labes with such tight restrictions on what they describe.

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noreally (Guest) June 14th, 2012, 5:48 pm

I've always felt that, as cheesy as it sounds, the outside isn't all that important...
I personally don't find most people attractive at all, until I've bonded with them in whatever way, and then, sometimes, I can see where they're considered attractive.
usually, people are just people to me.

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Maiumaora June 15th, 2012, 12:58 am

Oh god, I feel your pain.

It's always been kind of a mystery to me what makes people think someone is attractive...

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Yeah Dot Dot June 16th, 2012, 7:05 pm

I've never really thought about it before now... But I probably can say why I think someone is attractive. It's largely an emotional choice but is also influenced by society quite a lot (magazines telling you who is attractive and such from a young age). I find the colour of eyes amazing, but I prefer eyes that aren't brown because mine are :P. But there are a lot of other factors that are harder to explain, like how their hair makes their face look. Or their jawline compared with their cheekbones. So its very hard to explain.

Btw yes, some people do act to a certain persona to try to be different or for personal reasons for example protecting their real selves from judgement. Or just because they don't want to admit to themselves that they are the same as others in that aspect.

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Isabelle June 21st, 2012, 1:57 pm

I think people try to raise their kids with a clear vision of what "attractiveness" is. Like in the USA, it's the skinny/muscular, tan, long straight nose. Then in the Asian cultures, it's to be pale, big eyes, small nose, etc.
I grew up with tons of manga, so I like the skinny tall guys with the shaggy hairstyles ^^; I also like it when a person shows emotion in their features and is very expressive. I like the openness of it I guess?

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JessieVincent July 5th, 2012, 2:35 pm

I find there are 2 kinds of attraction:
1) purely based off of physical looks- hair, appearance, eyes, teeth, muscles, voice, ect.
And the stronger attraction
2) personality- humor, kindness, sincere, chivalry, playfulness, good morals, and someone just enjoyable to be around.
Someone can be extremely attractive in the first sense but not in the second and vice versa, but if you can find someone attractive in the second sense- you can start to see them as attracive in the first sense.

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Potatoes4Eva (Guest) July 10th, 2012, 4:27 pm

See, man, I'M pansexual. XD And everyone thinks it's weird.

I know this guy, Jose, and he always says, "transvestite", or "transexual", or "transgender". But, he says it in this sneering, "LOL" voice, almost like it's funny in the way that it disgusts him. And I can't bring myself to understand it. I never have. I find everyone attractive, not in a sexual way, not always, but I have a soft spot for any gender, any sexuality, any whatever. And the way he talks just... UGH. And then, there was the girl, "You can't be a lesbian unless you have a penis." RIGHT in front of my lesbian-friend. And I just...I punched her. Right across the face. I felt really, really bad, but she deserved it, right?

Right?

Aw well. People suck. <3 And I love them for it. CX

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furiousgeorge April 15th, 2013, 11:22 pm

ah I'm like that too. being asexual, all i really have is artist standpoint. the only thing I find striking about people's appearances are unusual features that look fun to draw. I really hate models because they all look the same and have perfect symmetric feautures. so usually I end up liking features considered ugly, like big noses, thin really red lips, thick dark eyebrows, round feminine faces (on men anyway it may be considered ugly), and weirdly enough dark circles under people's eyes or sick looking people. i like feminine men and masculine women...androgyny i guess whee anyway NO MORE RAMBLE

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doodlerom June 21st, 2014, 10:06 pm

I currently a in a state where I can look at people and think "They look attractive," due to certain features that I like, (e.x. long hair on men done right) but I wont actually feel anything? Like I don't think "Wow he's so hot, I'd tap that." Just simply what I had mentioned earlier and continue with life. What even is that? What the heck am I? xD

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JuniperJollies March 5th, 2015, 2:30 am

Can't really answer the sexuality part, but..
For me, someone being attractive is just something along the lines of "I like your face/body/whatever." Personally, it doesn't go much deeper than that. Not sure if that helps any, sorry.

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UglyButLikeInAHotWay December 9th, 2015, 7:51 am

I highly relate to this page, While I'm not Asexual, I am Aromantic. I'll see people I think are pretty, but not /more/ pretty then anyone else? They're just, there? I'm not attracted to them I don't want to date them they're just

there.