April 9th, 2012, 9:38 am

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089-When grandpa died part 3

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daviddoesntgetit April 9th, 2012, 1:39 am

And so ends my grandfather’s arc. I’m going to start updating every other day now.

I actually started this comic partially as a result from his death. As we all sat around and talked about the past we were too ashamed to talk about before, a lot of things came out.

No matter what someone does, goes to jail, gets a C, whatever, we don’t talk about it. We’re a little disappointed at first but then we leave it behind as if it never happened. In a way it is a relief for the person, the bad event never happened. We can move on with our lives, live in the now, appreciate that at that moment the sad event has passed.

And in a way it’s a shame. If you bury the past it is forgotten. I like history. I think it is the answer to the question “Why?” Why did this happen? Why are things like this?

I think everything is coincidence, not unlike the butterfly effect. Everything in life, to me, is a confluence of everything else that’s happened in this world. Every thing has a tie to one another no matter how distant.

I know my family wants to forget the past, relieve themselves of the feeling of shame. They never lie about it though. If I ever ask them a question there is a long pause before a curt answer.

It’s certainly a way of life. I still haven’t figured out what I want. For a while I’ve just been going with things but I forget that critical examinations brings about understanding.

I think I just want to understand my life.

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Dancing-Jebus April 9th, 2012, 1:01 pm

Your comic gives me an insight into different cultures, and their way of life.
I actually enjoy reading your comic, even though there is so much angst. I guess that's life for some people, or some's aspects of people's lives,
Sometimes I'm confused and I feel like the people in this story are not real, and it's just another comic, and at other times it feels like something you've drawn really has happened in our life. Or whatever.

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daviddoesntgetit April 9th, 2012, 5:57 pm

@Dancing-Jebus: Oh, yeah? That's good. Glad you found something from this.

Hahahahahahahahaha, angst? Really? Geez, I hope that isn't the message I'm perpetuating.

I associate angst with teenagers being down for no reason. I don't fault them for it, if you feel that way you feel that way.

Sure, I spend a lot of my time looking at past depressing events of my life but I certainly don't try dwelling on them and just being down on them. I hope by examining them I can gain more insight into my view in life and to those around me.

I really dislike those who say they only like to read happy things or they don't want to watch a movie with me 'cause it's depressing. Avoiding those aspects of life is just escapist and if you can't accept that's a part of life, how can you accept the tragedy and move on?

In any case, that was what I was hoping to get across to people in this comic. It's important to remind yourself of your past. You don't have to wallow in self pity and self agony to examine it, it could just be another part of your life like the time you went drinking with your friends.

In any case, I have no stranglehold on your opinion. If that's the feeling you get from this comic that's what you get.

Haha, you don't feel like it's real? What parts? I'm just curious. Sometimes reality manages to outdo fiction, but I don't blame you. I got a poor grade on a paper because my teacher didn't think it seemed realistic when I wrote about my life.

Haha. Well, if you figure out your feelings be sure to tell me.

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Dancing-Jebus April 10th, 2012, 10:09 pm

@daviddoesntgetit:
I'll go back through it again.
I sort of stumbled upon your comic at about 1am (Australian time) and started from beginning to finish. The real parts like you visiting your family seemed like yes, that was actually a section of your life you've drawn down on paper.
But they're are other sections where David and you (I think) go to the beach, and the conversations you have seem surreal. I've never had a conversation like yours with my friends, but I'm not you either. I'll go back through (at a better hour) and hopefully can give you a better answer later.

Sometimes people deal with running away from all the things that remind them of a bad situation, because they can't deal with the pain they feel. My mum couldn't deal with looking at any photos of my nanna when she died, and she stuffed everything away in a box. She didn't like driving down the road that had her house on it, didn't like knitting, etc etc, because it hurt too much to think that her mum wasn't with us anymore.
Mmm, sort of an example.

Anyways, I don't blame people for running away, but sometimes I think there is a limit, and you need to face what you're running from.

Maybe I thought it was angst because this is from your POV, and the type of person you are is a person I see as angst. I don't see you as depressed, or sad, I just view your "character" as someone who can't smile about everything good in life. But that's me, I can't help but smile at everything good. Trees make me happy, achievements on my games, finishing assignments, seeing my mum. I keep a good memory bank of good things so that I think that things can be better when shit goes down. Then I know, regardless of the situation, things are still good.
I don't kid myself about the gravity of the situation, I'm refuse to be ignorant and blind myself with bliss, but it keeps my head clear so I can think of a solution to help myself out of trouble.

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daviddoesntgetit April 11th, 2012, 9:55 am

@Dancing-Jebus: Hey, thanks for the long response. I apologize for this. I don't agree with you on nearly any point so excuse the following response as I will probably be crass and rude.

I don't really have any opinion on how surreal you think my conversation with Brad is. If that's what you think, that's what you think.

I'm not quite sure I feel comfortable with you calling your mom's situation as "running away". To be honest that feels like she's going through a mourning period and not necessarily running away.

Well, no. You're not blaming people for running away, it seems, but you do seem to condemn them to a degree.

Hm. That's pretty insulting on multiple levels. Let me try to keep my rage down while I think of a response.

Again. I don't see myself as having angst. You constantly say that's just you as if it exempts you from the things you say. For one, I fail to see how drawing about these tragedies is considered angst, I've told you my philosophy in life and what I hope to gain from drawing this comic, telling people how a tragedy can exist but doesn't have to tie you down.

Yet you seem to completely disregard my statement and think I only manage to focus on the bad things in life. And can't smile at the good things? Dude, I laugh at tragedy once it's come to pass. That's how Brad and I became friends.

Yet, along with the comics about tragedies in my family, I draw about my siblings, the fun times I have with them, how much I enjoy hanging out with Brad so I don't really understand how you can say I don't see the good things in life. In this case, what do you think is the purpose of me drawing those scenes? That I'm sad about it?

You also seem incredibly dismissive about tragedies and dealing with them. Yeah, sure, it's great to look at the little things in life to make you happy, like a tree, apparently, so are you saying I can't think about the harsher moments in life and at the same time smile about everything good?

Hear me out. You constantly say that seemingly based on the fact I do draw about sad things and I am, in return, sad about them.

It's almost as if you're the type of person who would say to a friend at their mother's funeral, "Hey. Don't feel so sad. You sped run Borderlands like a mother fucker yesterday."

I wouldn't say you're running away exactly. Sure, you know they're there, but dismissing them and not allowing people a grace period to deal with their feelings is almost like turning your back on it. Who are you to say when a person finishes dealing with a tragedy? Everyone is different and I feel like rather than trying to be understanding and let them take however long they need to figure out what they want, you're just kind've trying to speed up the process in which case there's really no benefit to that.

Unless they're really hurting in which case you still can't expect them to act like you. You need to give them time.

And holy shit, dude. Your mom's MOM died. You're using that as an example for running away? Her fucking MOM. And you're using literal examples of running away? Dude, is she confronting her feelings? She's not putting on a fake smile is she? Pretending it didn't happen? In that case it's not running away. Give her some fucking time.

I just. Man. Say what you will about yourself, I don't think you're being as understanding or as careful as you want to be. It's great you're happy with your life but when you say things like, "That's just you, I'm just me." there's no empathy. It's just, "Oh, I know your'e like this but I kinda don't want to put any effort towards understanding you."

You can say whatever you want about how understanding you are but the fact of the matter is I'm getting none of that from you. Even if that's your intent if people don't know that's what it is 'cause you just seem like an insensitive jerk you're not being very successful, I'd say.

In summary the only thing I have to say to you is, dude. C'mon. Show a little respect to people. It's great you're that strong with your life but maybe some people aren't and you need to understand that. Just knowing is not enough, you gotta understand, man.

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Dancing-Jebus April 11th, 2012, 11:35 am

@daviddoesntgetit:
Ok, perhaps I stuffed up in my explanation. It's hard to explain something about "understanding things" when it's just in text, and that you don't know who I am. Yes I am insensitive, but not with death. Not with a lot of things.

I wanted to use a blatant example in explaining how people deal with situations they don't like. In a very blatant way. Obviously my grandma's death was a terrible idea.

What I wanted to convey was sometimes people have the fear of being sad because it reminds them of a sad situation that has previously occurred. And same can be said for not wanting good things in life, because they have a fear of being sad. That doesn't mean they are weak. Maybe that means they need the time to not be reminded to sort things out in their head. I think that when they do confront whatever ails them, it is because they're stronger in some way that they can deal with a situation. (I don't really think about these sort of things on a regular basis., and this is the first time I've questioned why and how people deal with "situations".

In Australia, it's very common for people to say "They'll get over it."
It's normal for someone to be expected to "build a bridge and get over it". And I'm not sure why that is, but that's how it is, and everyone is fairly comfortable with it. Sure, we still say "Hey, fuck you man, it I'm still hurting here" but we seem to have this slight disdain towards those who feel too sorry for themselves. We're not insensitive bastards either though, and we're more than willing to help out our fellow man.


In regards to you being a tragic being (:3 joking tone only) - I don't believe you are. Perhaps because I view parts of your life through your interpretation of it - and that my way of interpreting information is different, I get a different message from your comic.
I couldn't believe a person is constantly depressed for an entire life.
Maybe because I have had a world where things are pretty damn good here, I cannot comprehend what it would be like to live in a large family, and the traditions that are part of a different culture and other things that different. And my life hasn't been airy fairy perfect either.
Man this is harder to explain than I thought.

I'm not crude to the fact that I turn my nose up to people because they're weak. I don't think I would have any friends if I were. Nor am I 100% understanding of a person and their actions because I'm not them and I don't have their way of thinking.
I know that there is no ying and yang to "life" but sometimes I sure wish there were.
It annoys me a lot with my two friends that they let someone important walk all over them like a door mat. It took me 3 years to tell Rory that I didn't like his girl friend due to the fact she doesn't help out financially with rent or bills and still expects expensive presents from him. He received my opinion, said he wished she would help out more and would be more satisfied with the gifts he did give. At the end of the day, Rory still loves his girl friend, and I'm still his critical friend.

Poop, I am a critical person that it creates an aversion.

I need to think again and no you don't offend me. This is beneficial.

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daviddoesntgetit April 11th, 2012, 11:30 pm

@Dancing-Jebus: Hey, man. It's cool that you're trying to understand and all but overall I still feel like I'm butting heads with you mostly.

Even if you say you're trying to understand, mostly what you're doing is reiterating your points and not considering mine very much. For one you keep saying I'm constantly sad or depressed my entire life despite my multiple assertions that I'm not.

Y'know. I can't do anything if you don't believe me.

At this point I'm out of things to say to you. The only thing I can really say is, hey, man. Good luck trying to understand. If you have questions to ask me I'll try my best to answer them but I can't do anything about your opinions.

You can keep saying what you want but in the end I'm out of things to say to you.

Best of luck.

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daviddoesntgetit April 12th, 2012, 4:41 pm

@Dancing-Jebus: Hey, look. I have to apologize to you.

Very obviously I let my temper get the best of me and I've just been an all around asshole to you.

People might've gotten the impression I'm not a bad guy from the comic. That's mostly due the fact I draw mainly about my family and Brad, people with whom I have infinite patience with.

I have revealed a little bit of how I am with coworkers and strangers. I'm pretty impatient with them. As a result I usually avoid them at all cost. I usually avoid socializing in any situation.

If you have it in you to look past what I just did to you, I'd like to try to start this entire conversation again. Even if I may not like a person, the least I could do is be civil.

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Guest April 13th, 2012, 12:20 am

@daviddoesntgetit:

If I read this comic, then I read about the person you portray yourself as.
How long ago did these events happen?
I ask this, because over time I believe people change.
And like you said, you've drawn this mostly with the people you hang out with most.

And, sure, we can start this conversation again if you like. You hardly offended me. I lost the energy to explain what I mean, but I still enjoy this conversation.

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daviddoesntgetit April 13th, 2012, 9:56 pm

@Guest: Our grandpa died... three years ago? More or less? I have no idea, actually.

I admit to not understanding you most of the time. Which Connor says I should use to understand how you feel about me.

I guess the main thing is I don't understand why you think I am depressed all the time, then or now.

I wasn't depressed when our grandpa died but it was still a pretty major event in our family. In a previous comic we talked about how much of a patriarch and center he was for the family. I wasn't depressed so much as just tired, I knew a lot was going to happen and a lot was happening.

Just having to deal with all those things was a lot to do because of all the family drama and such coming up.

So again. Don't really know what you mean by believing I can change or that I've been depressed all my life.

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jonasfx April 16th, 2012, 8:56 am

I can only say from my own perspective that all the things I think I may have done wrong in my life, I wouldn't want to have them changed. cause they make me who I am today and I think I'm in a good place. living in the now is a real forte but without the past we are empty, I think.

it's inspiring reading of how you started to draw again. thanks for sharing~

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daviddoesntgetit April 20th, 2012, 3:50 am

@jonasfx: Thank you for enjoying it.

But yes, I agree. That might be why I follow so many history blogs, it's just important to the present.

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yaoi4evandnevayuri May 26th, 2012, 1:41 pm

@daviddoesntgetit: I drew a lot more when my mom died when I was young. I think it was because I became so obsessed with anime and manga around that time. I needed something else to focus on. Otherwise I was going to go crazy.