September 16th, 2013, 2:05 am

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244-Guide to the grandparents

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daviddoesntgetit September 15th, 2013, 8:09 pm

So as some of you may know, Miriam helped me write this part. It was just too big and confusing for me to figure out how to organize into a story that made sense.

Miriam was a huge help, I am amazed at how much she helped. Writing's pretty incredible, huh?

I was stuck on drawing this part, I wanted you guys to know how I felt about my family members as a kid so you'd understand how it changed as it got older, and I kept avoiding drawing this 'cause I thought it would be boring as shit. Then Miriam suggested I write it as if it was the present saying that past tense tends to be boring to people.

She said by also changing the voice like that, the text boxes that would normally just be explanation has more of an artistic flare as it's written in a voice of the character, and she started to explain to me how voice-overs can be utilized well in that way.

I think it came out well, I'm going to have to keep using this technique in the future.

But man. Just a small change like that made that big a difference.

Anyways, sorry for the lack of update. I just started to get back to work last week so I had all this shit I needed to catch up on but I think it's normalizing now.

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MilkChii September 16th, 2013, 2:57 am

This looks really good! It makes it easier to follow as well as making 7-year old explain this thing even more intense.

Good job!

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cstar (Guest) September 16th, 2013, 9:11 pm

Man, Miriam knows her stuff!

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Crystaldragon September 17th, 2013, 7:02 am

Ha, ha, I know exactly what Miriam means! Unfortunately, I never could get the hang of good present tense writing. However, this came out really well. I liked the colour on the text boxes, too. A subtle, calm colour, but effective all the same.

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Same here

Τιτι (Guest) September 17th, 2013, 9:54 am

I know that feeling.Our paternal side is coldhearted like yours and they are really strict even as family.They didnt really like me and my bros because my dad is the family's black sheep and always prefered our same-age cousins even though their parents got immedietely divorced and they havent seen our cousins since they were 5. But *cough**cough* SUDDENTLY when i got into my promising,unique first choice university while my cousin didnt go that well they remembered us.

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BurstThrough September 17th, 2013, 4:48 pm

Wow the feeling is quite deep but I think you tell your experiences pretty well yourself but it was odd(good odd) trying to imagine a young david's voice narrating...
The first person I though about as I read this was my mother cause one of the things she prides herself in is that she always gives treats equally to her children and the ones there at the moment(like visitors or family) and also goes by the motto "The visit as unwanted as it may be shall be treated well." and feels ultrajeted when the same is not applied, she'd certainly not like your grandmother.

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daviddoesntgetit September 17th, 2013, 9:03 pm

@MilkChii: Credit goes to Miriam, haha.

@cstar: Yes, I was also surprised. I guess she doesn't just write gay romances.

@Crystaldragon: Thanks!

Miriam: If you want good practice writing present tense I recommend writing out some scripts. The entire thing has to be written in present tense as it's happening and it's fun! I guess the main thing to remember is that explanations are not present tense, so just keep in mind the "Show, don't tell" mentality.

It took me a while as well so it's definitely something you have to be conscious of as you write!

@titi: Haha, Jesus, you're right. That is almost exactly the same situation.

@BurstThrough: Ah, your mom sounds like a good person. I have a lot of cousins like my grandmother actually, haha. They look out for their own kids first but, well. It's not unusual, I guses.

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Crystaldragon (Guest) September 18th, 2013, 10:11 am

Too lazy to log in, but @Miriam thanks for the advice, I will definitely have to try that sometime. ^^