January 27th, 2014, 9:34 pm

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278-Our own way

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daviddoesntgetit January 27th, 2014, 9:40 pm

I really don't like giving advice 'cause I don't believe any one person's life should be an example for everyone else, I believe really strongly that everyone's circumstances are different.

I was thinking about it a lot which was why I asked Brad and it really bothered me that he wanted to do what I did just 'cause I did it.

Well, I guess 'cause it pisses me off when people who have no business in your business tell you to get over things or forgive without understanding what a difficult thing it is to do.

I don't want people to feel pressured to take any sort of action in their life, so yeah. I'm not fond of people who every time you have a problem only seem interested in spewing advice, especially when they don't know jack shit about it.

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RubberyParts January 29th, 2014, 2:22 am

Usually, I'd take 5 billion hours to think of a joke comment and probably give up, but all I can honestly say is I think Brad needs a hug. Hugs are nice. That, and I honestly wish I could change my damn smackjeeves name it looks so wrong ; A ;

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AwkPenquin (Guest) January 29th, 2014, 7:27 pm

@daviddoesntgetit: i think that when someone has a problem, a person gives them advice simply because they want to try helping, even if they dont know anything about the problem
maybe they dont know because they dont want to pry
if someone tells you that they have a problem, what else can you do besides trying to tell them your experiences with a similar problem or giving them some comfort?
just curious about your thoughts on the subject

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roxjey January 29th, 2014, 9:14 pm

Besties

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daviddoesntgetit January 29th, 2014, 9:33 pm

@RubberyParts: Haha. I'm pretty much used to the usernames now.

@awkpenguin: I think you can look at a person giving advice as someone trying to help or you can look at it as someone trying to stick their nose in your business where it doesn't belong.

Whether or not the advice is useful to the recipient is up to said recipient. Again, as I stated, everyone's situation is different, every moment in life we have to take a lot of factors into consideration, our relationship with them our present mood, their past, etc.

I think the less you know about the problem, the less you should give advice. As people would say, "What makes you think you know anything about me?"

For me what mostly comes to mind are situations like a rape victim and their friends or strangers who have never been raped tell them to just let it go or just to forgive the perpetrator and move on. People like that are kind've shitheads.

In terms of relationship. If Brad were to give me advice, I wouldn't mind, he knows me well enough about what kind've action I'm willing or unwilling to do. When it's my readers, I tend to have a shorter temper.

And, as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Much in the vein that Brad thinks it's ok to say things to piss me off just 'cause he's joking, you have to be mindful of the person on the other end. Just 'cause you were trying your best, if it pisses off the other person does that make them wrong? Or is just a reaction on their part and you both learn from that?

That's why I try not to get mad. Sometimes the other person doesn't mean it but just because they didn't mean it, doesn't mean they have the right to act indignant. I think it's best if you just both let it slide.

On another note, I don't think you trying to tell them your experience on a similar problem is at all related to anything to what I said, I was mainly talking about advice. I think, when people complain, SOMETIMES they just want someone to listen to and, as they say, misery loves company.

I like it when people have shared the same experience I have, that's how Brad and I became friends, we both had things in our childhood that could have gone better. It's comforting to know you're not alone in the world and that someone can understand and relate to something that might be difficult to understand.

I don't ever believe my advice to be a catch-all in the same way I don't believe any general statement or opinion should ever be considered a catch-all, people who make arguments like, "Well, if your friends all jumped off a bridge, would you?" As with everything in life, there's degrees and everyone has their own set of values.

For me, if I had gone through child abuse, and someone who had gone through the same thing told me to try to let go of anger, I'm more likely to listen to them then the friend whose parent bought them a Jaguar before they learned how to drive.

Also, asking someone about their problem isn't prying, it's all about how you phrase yourself. If you become demanding or incessant, it's prying, but if you simple ask, "Do you want to talk about it?", that's an invitation. There's a difference between a demand and a conversation.

And, as always, my opinion is simply that. Do what you want, just never stop thinking of others.

@roxjey: Haha. Yeah, Brad's my good friend.