April 4th, 2014, 9:55 pm

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290-Adoption is a gateway drug

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daviddoesntgetit April 4th, 2014, 10:00 pm

He came back later to tell us it was different because our aunt was impotent but I can have sex just fine so that's what I should do.

I fucking hate this guy.

I hate him but I can't stop thinking about the fact that this is just one of those many times in life where people disagree to the point that there's just really no compromise and it's completely impossible to understand the other side. I think adoption is great so I guess for me the fact that he'd place so much importance in continuing his lineage rather than just having a family is baffling to me.

I accepted a while ago that even with a surrogate or whatever, which is beyond my price point, I just wouldn't have biological children. Not that adopting kids is any easier. I'm still a little too nervous to take the plunge to go adopt. I think I wanna wait when Connor and Miriam move out.


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Alectric (Guest) April 5th, 2014, 4:42 pm

@daviddoesntgetit: If you're nervous about adopting, you could try becoming a foster parent first.


Reealt April 7th, 2014, 10:18 pm

Honestly, your cousin sounds kind of like a nosy jerk, but I don't know him or understand his point of view since I don't see kids as just a way to pass on my genes. I can definitely understand why you'd get angry about this.

I hear the road is long, hard, and expensive when it comes to adopting, especially when you'd be considered a single parent. You've researched it a bunch and don't need people like me telling you anything about it, but whatever happens, good luck. I really think it's cool that you're thinking of doing so, and I hope the rest of your family supports you adopting as well. And in the future, if you do adopt, I think you'd do a good job.


daviddoesntgetit April 7th, 2014, 11:31 pm

@Alectric: I'm not really into the idea of using kids that need help as a trial run for my "real" kids.

@Reealt: I don't hate the guy or anything, but this is area we seem to disagree heavily on. It's such a cognitive disconnect when I'm enjoying a conversation with him and suddenly we have this one major point that we can't agree on an ethic or moral ground.

Yeah, it is a pain in the ass. That's why I'm nervous. It's a lot of scrutiny and expensive, and it can be a lot of waiting for no positive outcome. I remember how scary it was as a kid, it didn't matter if my stepmother was abusive, the idea that these strangers that didn't know anything about us that would come in to make judgment calls about us based on one incident was terrifying.

Wow, hey, thanks for the support. I'm nervous about being a single parent so I was thinking about adopting older kids and not babies.

Haha, I dunno, we'll see, I guess.


Alectric (Guest) April 8th, 2014, 7:46 pm

That's not what I was implying. You could become a foster parent for the sake of being a foster parent, helping a child in need. But it's a lot like adopting, with less of a long-term commitment, so your experience as a foster parent would inevitably help you figure out if you want to adopt or not, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Now, if you simply don't have any interest in becoming a foster parent for its own sake (helping a child in need), then by all means ignore my advice, though I don't know why you wouldn't be open to it.


I guess this is usually where something clever would go

Anyone (Guest) April 9th, 2014, 1:35 am

I don't understand why I've rewritten this response like three times already but let's hope that the fourth time is the charm.

This pretty much mirrors the ongoing debate between my father and I. I'm gay so my options are a little limited in regards to what I would be able to do should I want to have a family, and I have never been a huge fan of the idea of using a surrogate mother. I just don't understand how people can rationalize not adopting when there are so many children in the world without homes; are you really going to love them less because they don't carry some of your genes? Not that, you know, people shouldn't have children if they want to, I just don't understand why he insists on looking at me like I'm fucking stupid because I see adoption as infinitely more reasonable when compared to asking some lady to go through pregnancy and childbirth.

My family's genetics aren't even very good; three of his six children have autism (myself included in that); at least four of us suffer from sort of anxiety disorder,; one of them has a serious case of OCD; and I'm prone to mood swings and depression. Although, I guess, reading that, that my reasons are kind of silly, too. I don't know, haha.

I'm ranting though, so, my bad, man. You've got my support for the whole adopting thing, and I think you'd do a good job. Reealt07 has pretty much covered anything worth saying.

The best of luck.



alterminat April 9th, 2014, 11:51 am

Hey! I was reading this [and resisting the urge to scream] and I just wanted to give my two cents.

I actually was adopted from birth. My birth mother was too young to give me a good life [she was already struggling with hers, unfortunately] and my parents were having trouble conceiving. They gave me a good life, and loved me just the same. I am their child. To me, the idea of a mother or father isn't the person who gave birth to you but the people who raised you and impacted your life in a way that made you who you are today.

I think the most important thing about adopting a child is to be honest about it with them, especially if it's from a very young age. I always knew I was adopted, knew others who were adopted [through an agency ran charity drives/meetings as a child], and it just seemed like... a thing. It so inconsequential to my life that I actually forget about it sometimes.

So... yeah. That's just my perspective. Also, fuck that guy.


daviddoesntgetit April 10th, 2014, 8:47 pm

@Alectric: Y'know. I don't disagree with you or anything, I like the idea of foster parenting and it's a ton of work.

Whenever our parents were arguing, our aunts and uncles would have to take care of us and I had extremely low self esteem at the time so I just felt like I was a burden on their lives. Of course they gave their kids more attention and money to spend but Bernard and I would try to be as adult as possible. I'd secretly wish their parents were also mine and it was an awful feeling, like I was betraying my dad for thinking that or that I was trying to find a place for myself in a place that I didn't belong.

The criticism I made was towards the reason you gave me to foster parent. I understand you didn't have that intent, I'm sure my aunts and uncles were a little miffed but of course they didn't show it. I don't ever wanna go into something with the wrong mindset, for me, I don't want to foster parent for that reason, I would like to 'cause I want them to feel comfortable with a temporary home and not like a burden, for however brief.

@Anyone: Wow, I wonder what happened? I'm glad it got through eventually.

Yeah, I dunno why, I'm not into the surrogate mother path either, I wonder why?

I know adopting babies is hard but adoption older children is easier. I've been spending the past year or so accepting the fact I won't get to name older kids I adopt or getting to see their formative years but the more I come across crying babies, the more I'm ok with it. I had to take care of Connor and Miriam in their baby years and I think I've changed enough diapers at 4am in my lifetime.

Nah, your reasons aren't silly. Reasons are basically just to rationalize why you made the decision you did for yourself and others, but your desires are what they are.

Anyways, thanks for your opinion. I don't wanna thank you for just agreeing with me, haha, but thanks for the support.

@Altermint: Yeah, I've been researching about how it's better to have the kids know as early on as possible that they're adopted so it's just a facet of their life. My boss at my new job is adopted, he makes jokes about the part of them that aren't biologically related but it just seems like a facet and not a huge deal.

Anyways, thanks a lot for telling me about your life, I feel a little more comfortable now. I really want to start doing adoption shit but I need to be patient a little while longer for Connor and Miriam to move out and for me to start saving up some money for them.


I was reading something about a girl that was adopted and tried to look for her birth mother and her entire family called her an ungrateful brat, saying that she only cared about her birth mother and not about her present family that she was adopted into. I thought that was pretty messed up for them to guilt trip her like that.


BurstThrough April 10th, 2014, 11:36 pm

Sooo you can't love a child that isn't your own!?
I'm guessing he's going to be one of those people in your family that likes to humiliate others' children or at least treat them like crap...
Cause I feel that must be the pseudologic behind their actions.
More than hating people that do spupid stuff cause they're childish I feel hatred for those that make a pseudoscience about their bad opinions and accept no refute.

I read all those comments here(really interesting insights about this) and stuff from you(comments and previous comics) and it seems that you always didn't want to be selfish even most people around you displaying such in their behaviour I find amazing how innocent you were, makes me sad but also glad such a person exists.

I wish you the best on the adoption(that sounded weird but I mean it).


daviddoesntgetit April 14th, 2014, 7:39 pm

@BurstThrough: Yeah, I think you're right. We have a lot of family members like that where they just constantly take a shit on other family member's kids 'cause they're just so fucking damned proud of their own.

I remember our mom hated the people that did that and she never bragged about us, she'd tell us in private.

And our dad did the opposite of those family members that would loudly try to one up each other, he did the Asian thing of downplaying us to show humility so with his friends, he'd joke about how dumb we are when we knew he was actually proud of our good grades, haha.

Haha, I'm innocent? I've dealt with too many selfish things to want to emulate the same, but I also believe that you need to be somewhat selfish to be happy.

Thanks! I'm nervous about adopting and I hope I don't screw up my future kids' lives.


The shaaaame

alterminat April 14th, 2014, 11:13 pm

@daviddoesntgetit: Yeah, I occasionally hear stories like that. Personally, I had some questions around my late high school years and my parents were pretty upfront with me. They showed me a picture of my birth-mother and some medical records [I was curious about that mostly]. They talked to me about what kind of person she was and her situation, why I was put up for adoption.

It made them slightly uncomfortable, but they were pretty understanding about why I wanted to know and it was just explained to me, then dropped when I was satisfied in my curiosity. Never needed to ask about it again, never really did.