December 15th, 2014, 12:26 am

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346-Why child abuse sucks Part 2

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daviddoesntgetit December 15th, 2014, 12:31 am

I sometimes I feel like I take Brad for granted. I grew up not being able to tell anyone about what happened so being friends with Brad is little short of a godsend. Someone I can relate to and talk to about this crap and who also thinks laughing about it helps. He also never seems to get sick of me talking about it even after decades of this crap, haha.

I wonder if Bernard has the same problems I do. If he does, he's never told me about them nor have I seen it.

The second I made a mistake, our stepmom would beat me so while I was trying to recall information I wasn't sure about, my brain would simply shut down and I would just enter this fearful stuff of being unable to process information. Even now I have trouble having someone teaching me shit 'cause the second they look disappointed or exhausted, fear would quickly set in.

I wonder if sometimes kids with learning disabilities go through the same thing or just getting scared of making a mistake and shutting down. I worry about kids a lot.

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Reealt December 15th, 2014, 2:14 am

I have a similar fear of failure. Your stepmom acted a lot like my mom did, and that's... Really depressing. I get extremely defensive, even if it's constructive criticism, if someone's not happy with what I've done instead, and a crap ton of anxiety.

It doesn't sound like you're taking Brad for granted at all, seeing how gratefully you talk about him.

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roxjey December 15th, 2014, 8:10 am

I feel like Brad is a friend that really gets you and I'm glad for that. He can help you with things like this
I also had some issues with my Dad when i was a child but it wasnt as heavy as yours or Brad's but even then i am having more and more panic attacks lately.
I guess, there are some issues that will be there longer than others and you need to take them slowly.
I really dont have anything smart to say this time. But I'm always cheering for you guys so hang in there... i guess U.U

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SOABS December 15th, 2014, 1:27 pm

Looking at this new page, i have so many feelings, one part of me reminds me that people didn't have a good as childhood as me (excluding my high school years) and then the other part feels bad about how unfair it is for those who were treated so horridly

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cstar (Guest) December 15th, 2014, 5:27 pm

David, your comics mean a lot to me. Sorry if that sounds weird...I just wanted to let you know.

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BurstThrough December 15th, 2014, 11:02 pm

David..You're really kind that ever after this you say she wasn't abusive...
You're seriously too much of a good person to forgive her...
I keep wondering if Jenny had to go through something similar in her life except alone...(cause you had Bernard)

And why must an infant know how to use a keyboard with no flaws?(I can't and I'm 21)Society basicaly yells at us that introducing too early kids to certain stuff is bad...(like soda and computers)

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Lani (Guest) December 16th, 2014, 10:50 pm

Your comic made me think a lot about people who say they sometimes have difficulty learning or who HATE reading, and how those reasons can vary. For the longest time my brother had an undiagnosed learning disorder because my school was too poor and none of the teachers or my relatives probably noticed/cared. I think he even ended up dropping out of high school cause of it although he's now trying out his luck in auto school. A part of me feels depressed remembering all this because I always thought his hatred of reading/writing was just because he was being willfully ignorant, and nothing else. It made me think of all the times I ignored his arguments because the points he'd make didn't sound 'well-read' or 'educated' enough. God, it's amazing how we manage to get along so well now. We're even roommates for god's sake! X___x; I was such an elitist prick to him, David!!! T___T I think people like you and my brother are AMAZING for still being able to interact with people who hurt you in the past. Seriously. @.@

I wish there were some "right" words for your past abusive situations, but there probably isn't. I am just glad that you have people like Brad and your siblings in your life. Your comics with them are always so cute! X) There's just something soothing about reading them. I wonder if it's because of the cute art style you have? Anyway, I think you were able to transform your past experiences into helping you become a more compassionate/understanding person, if your comics are anything to judge by. I've read some of your past comments and I always liked how you never took on some advising/bossy tone. Not even when it came to your younger sister's situation. You really give the people in your life a lot of room to grow and be their own individual. :)

Also, tell Miriam thank you for the game recommendation! I never played a BL visual novel before and now I just have to play it when nobody else in my apartment (including my brother) is looking! I should be okay since some of the otome games out there can be very ecchi in their own way and I haven't been caught yet! O_o Miriam is so lucky to be able to play those kind of games in front of her family/friends! I would probably die of embarrassment. XD Sorry for the long comment!!! I usually don't write this much I swear. :X Sorry David!!! ._____.;

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SmallishBird December 18th, 2014, 6:38 pm

I think the same thing happens to people who were bullied by peers as children, although probably not on such a grand scale unless it was really serious (like physical things).

I was bullied verbally pretty badly as a kid, and it personally makes it really hard for me to take a compliment because I feel like they're probably mocking me, even though I know that that was years and years ago and not all people are quite so petty as that. I've known people who act similarly, and it's super shitty. People don't seem to realize that doing anything to a kid, lest it be hitting them, insulting them, talking down to them, etc. can stick with them for years and years.

I'm sorry for what your step-mom did, but I'm glad you have people who understand in your life like Brad and your family.

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Libby (Guest) December 29th, 2014, 5:28 pm

I can relate to this.
My mother was(and still is) mentally abusing me whenever I did not succeed in one thing or another(like getting a perfect 100% score).She calls me good for nothing, idiot, worthless, a mistake. She even locked me in my room for a day. I was never allowed to go out with my friends, because I did not deserve it. Weirdly enough, my younger brother had access to every single thing I could only dreamed about.
I grew up hearing only these stuff about me. Now I am having serious difficulties in my daily life(mainly socializing and lack of self esteem).

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daviddoesntgetit January 9th, 2015, 12:33 am

@Reealt: Yeah, dealing with anxiety is hard and I'm sorry dealing with criticism is difficult for you. It sucks 'cause it's just something you have to deal with the rest of your life.

Haha, well, sometimes I take him for granted, when he starts bugging the hell out of me.

@roxjey: Yeah, I'm glad Brad's around.

Thanks, I hope you find a way to deal with your issues about your dad as well.

@SOABS: Yeah. Well, shit happens, is really all I have to say about that. It's hard to say, I don't feel any less fortunate about having gone through my childhood. It was just something that happened and I've learned to accept it, I suppose.

@cstar: Thanks, that means a lot. I'm glad it means something to people despite it just being a diary comic where I write about my life, haha.

@BurstThrough: Haha, I definitely would NOT say she wasn't abusive. She did go through a lot and had behavior patterns that explained her behavior, that's as far as I'm willing to go when it comes to making excuses for her.

Haha. I'm really not that good a person but I've talked about it a lot before. For me, forgiving can be considered a selfish act on my part because I forgave her partially knowing who she was but mostly because I wanted to move on with my life and let go of the anger. I think, when you come to understand that part of forgiveness, it's a little easier to do.

Jenny. Our stepmom never beat her, I know that for a fact, she loved Jenny a lot. She would sometimes lose her shit and make Jenny cry but Jenny loves her. Our stepmom took good care of her. She took good care of us as well, she made sure we were always well fed and we had new clothes. She beat us but she took care of us. Anyways, it's why Bernard and I never told her about what our stepmom did to us. Jenny deserves happiness.

Haha. Our stepmom was also conservative Asian, thus the drive to force us to be at the top of our class always. I think American society says introducing kids too early to things is bad, not so much in Asia.

Our stepmom didn't have the best education either. I remember a summer night where she and I were laying on the beach and looking at the stars and she asked me, an elementary student at the time, all these questions about the universe since she knew I liked astronomy. She never knew that the earth revolved around the sun or that the sun was also a star.

So yeah. I have good memories of her as well.

@lani: Wow, that was quite a story about your brother. Also, hey, you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. America still doesn't discuss mental issues very well and I feel like learning problems have only just recently surfaced. People still make light of them now.

But I'm glad your brother and you get along, haha.

Haha, well, I don't think there's a right word for my situation 'cause I don't believe everyone ends up the same way even after going through the same thing. Don't fret about it too much.

Yeah, I'm thankful for Brad and my siblings as well. OH JESUS, hahaha, you are heaping some amount of praises on me. Thank you, it's embarrassing, I don't necessarily believe all that but thank you.

Haha, well, again, I don't think it's ever possible for me to understand people's situation fully. The reason I hate it when people give me advice so much is that they'll never understand the entire scope of my life, I feel that way about other people too, which is why I just try to support people and hope they can come to their own conclusion they're comfortable with. It's scary 'cause you can't blame anyone else if you fuck up but it makes you braver too.

Here's Miriam.

Miriam: HAHA, WHAT. WHOH. No, no, no. I cannot play BL games in front of brother and stuff. They're R18 and, oh my god, NO NO NO ONO. I WOULD DIE. I play it with Stephanie and sometimes Sam, BUT THAT'S IT. Sadly, there's not a lot of BL VN out there, sob, sob. The only ones that really get translated are the ones by Nitro+Chiral. I know that Hadaka did and some other ones with bad art, haha. Nitro-Chiral can be kinda crazy but yeah! HERE'S BROTHER AGAIN.

David: Haha, you odn't have to apologize. I love long comments and long emails. I honestly wish I got more of them.

@SmallishBird: Well. PTSD is just anything stemming from trauma so I'm sure some of them have it on a big scale too. It just varies a lot from situation to situation.

Hm, yeah. PTSD is rough, even if you logically know it's one way, your feelings get in the way. Anyways, sorry to hear you had to go through that. I hope you're coping with it fine.

Yeah, I'm thankful for Brad and my family as well.

@Libby: God, your mother sounds exactly like our stepmom.

Man. I'm really sorry to hear that. Why did your brother get everything? That's fucked.

I'm sorry, I know it's hard to cope with the aftermath so I hope it's not too much of a burden on you and good luck.

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daviddoesntgetit January 9th, 2015, 12:40 am

@Lani: Wait a second, did I help you with something? I honestly can't remember. Was it through email? I'm sorry, I'm terrible at this.

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Libby (Guest) January 11th, 2015, 12:07 pm

@daviddoesntgetit: My brother got everything, because he was born after my parents marriage. I was the reason the got married, though.
Thank you for your support!

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Lani (Guest) January 15th, 2015, 4:17 pm

@daviddoesntgetit: Hi David! Sorry it took me so long to notice your response, but no you never e-mailed me before. I think you confused me with somebody else? :)

Thanks for replying to my earlier message! You're a very sweet guy. In some ways you remind me of my younger brother, actually!

Oh yeah, if Miriam is looking for BL VN there's a list of Japan-based ones here: (https://vndb.org/g83). No idea if all of them have English patches unless her Japanese is really good!? Sometimes I have to resort to Google Translate... :(

She can also try indie BL ones that use the Ren'Py game engine: (http://www.renpy.org/).
I don't play many BL titles from there, but I do recall three free ones that are decent in comparison to majority on their BL list: "Forget Me Not" (http://games.renpy.org/game/forget-me-not), "Night at the Hospital" (http://games.renpy.org/game/night-at-the-hospital), and Sacred Sands (http://games.renpy.org/game/sacredsand).
There's one more that I'm curious about and that has a multitude of artists designing the characters. I LOVE the various art styles as shown in the previews. Its apparently a dating sim based on the MBTI if Miriam's ever heard of it: (http://games.renpy.org/game/lgal-great-personality-guardians). Haven't played it yet though. :X

If she ever enjoyed 'Choose Your Own Adventure' books, there's this one company that creates games based on them called "Choice of Games." Like Ren'Py, they also allow regular people to make games using their game engine but occasionally hire writers as well. Several titles are free while others cheap to download: (https://www.choiceofgames.com/category/our-games/).
I ESPECIALLY recommend "Creatures as We" out of all the titles! I think it's one of the free ones too and has a high replay value in my opinion. Very philosophical too, in regards to the purpose of art/video games and just life in general. :) Out of all the titles I've mentioned, I think this one is the best.
I like CoG because they're rather progressive in letting you decide your own gender (ex: transgender), sexual orientation (ex: asexual, bisexual), race, and so forth!

But anyway enough about me! XD I am VERY sorry if the art and storylines aren't up to Miriam's expectations. ; _ ; I know she's a professional writer, so... ! OTL Hope she finds something she likes!
OH YEAH, they're all rated under PG-13 and under! She should be able to play them around family if she doesn't mind the occasional kissing CG!!! OwO Yay!!

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daviddoesntgetit January 17th, 2015, 6:59 pm

@Lani: Oh, never mind, I read your comment wrong, haha. I usually reply when it's late at night and I'm exhausted. Sorry about that.

Miriam: YO. Yes, I use that website a lot. Some have English patches, though not many. Using google translate is, like. All I can think is, "Is this really worth it? Is it?" Hahahaha. I dunno.

Yeah! I've heard of Ren'Py. Stephanie and I tried to make a VN one day with it but gave up 'cause it's kinda limited? So actually we're trying to make one with Game Makes Studio soooooo so hey! IF I PUT IT OUT, YOU SHOULD PLAY IT.

OHHHH. I'VE NEVER TRIED PLAYING ANY. I'll give it a shot!

HUH. THAT'S PRETTY FUCKING INTERESTING, ACTUALLY. I'M GONNA HAVE TO CHECK IT OUT. Next time Stephanie and I get together, we'll go through these. THIS IS SO CUTE. I love that brother's readers think to recommend me things, YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE. Maybe I should start a tumblr to talk to you guys about BL. I fucking love this.

CoG? HAHAHA. OH MY GOD, DON'T APOLOGIZE. It's totally not a big deal if I don't like something! I'M SORRY IF I GIVE THIS IMPRESSION THAT'S IT'S, LIKE, A HUGE FUCKING DEAL TO ME OR SOMETHING. Like, it is a huge deal but I won't get mad at you or anything! AH, I'M SORRY. I'M TOO OPINIONATED FOR MY OWN GOOD, SOMETIMES. I'm also SOOO not a professional writer, haha. I'M TRYING TO BE, KIND'VE. I DUNNO. I can't stop writing BL. Anyways, no, yeah. I love this! I'm super hyped to check them out! Thank you, thank you, you're so cute and sweet to think of me for this. Cute cute.

If Stephanie and I ever start up that joint BL review blog I keep wanting to do, YOU'LL BE THE FIRST TO KNOW.

Kissing? How racy! Kidding. PG-13? Sorry, I only play things with hardcore sex. HAHA, KIDDING. I'm hyped, thanks! This is so cute of you! Ahhhhh.

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Lani (Guest) January 20th, 2015, 10:13 pm

@daviddoesntgetit: Yo David and Miriam! OvO/ Sorry for spamming your comments page David, especially since you have new pages. ._.;

Hehehe, Miriam's comment made me blush a lot. XD It had me grinning the whole day when I read it on my phone at work. Whoops, pretend nobody saw me do that. =w=;
Anyway, I would LOVE to play any VNs that Miriam and Stephanie make! I bet a lot of your readers would love it too! <3 If you guys ever decide to, you should have a "Pay What you Want" option for folks who'd like to donate? Maybe allow for anonymous donations too for more shy readers out there too? :)
Never heard of Game Makes Studio, so I will have to check that out sometime! If Miriam or Stephanie has any titles that either recommend from them, send them my way! X) If you ever have BL review blog, I'd love to see both of your reviews too! I'm still new to this whole BL thing, but I'm open minded!!! :D
I'll try to find ways to play more BL when my brother and my roommates aren't around! XD;;; It's too bad I can't be paid to play VN games for a living. </3

If I ever come up with any more recs, I'll be sure to send them your way Miriam! :D <3
AND CONGRATS ON GETTING PROPOSED TO!!! <3 <3 <3 Are you and Ajeet thinking of any formal wedding? Is it going to small or big, or just something officialized by the city? I know it's a lot to think about. >w<; But still, CONGRATULATIONS~!!!! :D XD :D

MAJOR EDIT:
OMG, I just noticed the LONG and THOUGHTFUL response that you wrote to me David regarding how to deal with asshole relatives! T_____T <3 I'll be sure to respond to all of it soon but I need to sleep soon right now since I have an early ass shift tomorrow. OTL THANK YOU DAVID!!! <3 <3 <3
You're lucky to have such an awesome brother, Miriam. :) He is wise yet so humble at the same time! <3
Yanno David, you sort of remind me of Brad's dog (whose name I forgotten at the moment, sorry Brad). From what I remember, you're both are good around kids but also very chill when it comes to life outlook (it seems like)? I MEAN IT IN A GOOD WAY, I SWEAR. I really love dogs so it's meant to be a compliment! OTL;;;

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daviddoesntgetit January 24th, 2015, 5:42 pm

@Lani: Haha, it's fine. I'm used to it.

Here's Miriam:

WUH. WHY DID MY COMMENT MAKE YOU BLUSH. Haha, actually, we're not trying to make VNs, we're hoping to make a full fledged dating sim which requires being able to code in order to implement mechanics beyond just... branching story paths. So we're not gonna make it for free, we're actually hoping to sell it 'cause... it's gonna be a long fucking game.

Ah, Game Maker Studio isn't anything to check out! It's just one of many softwares out there that lets you make games. It's one of the cheaper ones and it's mainly used for 2D games. I know Cook, Serve, Delicious was made using it, it's pretty straight forward and you don't have to know coding language to use it though I've started to learn code anyways. Hm? Any titles for what? I think I've told you basically all the dating sims I know, haha. Actually, I haven't had much time to play them lately, ahhdhadlksa;.

OH. You just started getting into BL, eh? Heheh. Well, welcome. First rule is, JUST HAVE FUN. Don't get into things you aren't into, DON'T LET PEOPLE TELL YOU HOW TO ENJOY IT EITHER. THEY'RE A PAIN IN THE ASS. Maybe you can play VN games for a living if you became a let's player!

AHHHH. THANKS. I'M TRYING NOT TO THINK ABOUT WEDDING SHIT RIGHT NOW. I HONESTLY NEVER THOUGHT I WAS GONNA GET MARRIED. I asked Ajeet if we could just stayed engaged, he said he didn't have a problem with that, it all comes down to how long we're able to withstand the family pressure to get hitched... I'M TOO POOR TO BE THINKING ABOUT IT. WE'LL JUST HIGH FIVE OR SOMETHING.

OK, HERE'S BROTHER AGAIN.

David: Oh, haha. I hope it helped you somewhat. I'm not really comfortable giving advice, yeah, go sleep.

Miriam: Aw, yeah. David's a pretty cool guy. I'm not sure about wise since he's forgotten his times table.

David: I never need it! I got beaten as a kid to learn it and jesus christ fuck.

Also, I'm surprised you forgot the dog's name considering Brad's dog's name is... David. And Brad does not stop making jokes about it, not once. I love dogs too so it's fine, haha. Don't fret.