May 30th, 2015, 3:59 am

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382-Asexuals can freeze water

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daviddoesntgetit May 30th, 2015, 4:08 am

I was incredibly furious after talking to this asshole that I went home, ranted to people I knew while actually jumping up and down in a rage.

Fucking Jesus fucking Christ. I'm sorry to all you sexual people all there that I don't fucking get love, especially after talking to this guy, holy shit do I feel like I understand love even less now.

But really, do I have to explain to anyone that there's a difference between asexual and fucking celibacy. Fucking do I have to fucking do this fucking shit again, fucking fuck.

So he also knows this female friend of mine, he saw me interact with her for a total of two hours. I was telling him a story about me and her and his response was, "Aw, she likes you."

"What? No, she doesn't. She's married. With kids."

"No, she definitely likes you."

"Did you... see us? How we were friends?"

"No, I know, you're asexual so you don't know."

FUCKING FUCK YOU. How fucking up your own ass do you have to be?! How could you possibly think a girl who fucking tells you fucking straight up that she doesn't get romance and that she's aromantic and asexual that she's fucking into you?

He spent the entire time telling me everything wrong about asexuality and every time I told him he was fucking wrong on anything he just went, "No. That's not true."

Hey, you know asexuals aren't repressed, right? Some asexuals don't have sex drives? That the ones that like masturbating or watching porn doesn't mean they're repressed, that that's just the extent of their sexualness?

"No, I don't think so. They just seem repressed."

What the huge gigantic fucking shit fuck shit is fucking wrong with you that a fucking asexual fucking person that hasn't had sex in his 37 years of existence that you don't believe?! How do you just not listen to people and just assume fucking things on your own and then live your life like that?! How is that even fucking possible to be that willfully ignorant?! HOW. I'm so mad I'm typing in all caps like Miriam. I'm fucking so fucking mad.

FUCK. WHO THE FUCK.

Everyone, just fucking listen to people. Don’t fucking assume you fuck. Fucking listen Jesus fucking Christ fuck.

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Wow. >:\

embeddedMatrix (Guest) May 30th, 2015, 9:44 am

Wow fucking wow.

that was just plain irony there Dave. i nearly spat out my drink on how fucking ironic that was. i mean she clearly said she was asexual and aromatic right?

wow and he tried to create an actual relationship with her. even when she told her sexuality to him. it's like giving a six year old peanut butter sandwiches when you understand she's allergic to nuts. and she chocked on how fucking nuts you were to her, and also probably the peanut butter.

i banged my head against the table. bang bang bang. wow, even the pain can't even stop me from thinking how ridiculous that idea is.

be patient, Dave.

wow, just fucking amazing.

>:[ that guy was an ass.

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Tristan232 May 30th, 2015, 9:44 am

Bro honest to god that guy doesn't know shit. You said you think you know less about love now but honestly fuck him. He knows less about love and relationships and people than you. Jesus I'm sorry man. That guy ironically enough is fucking repressed himself he has repressed himself with how fucking ignorant he is. Even his ignorance would be a little excusable if he'd fucking listen to people. Sorry you had to deal with that David. Fucking ridiculous.

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incondite May 30th, 2015, 11:49 am

i feel this lmao it's really unfortunate that people don't understand ace people at all, let alone aro/aces. i'm aro/ace and it was difficult enough to tell my high school friends that i was asexual (sometimes we would talk idly about sex, which i was okay with, but then it became "what would the rest of us be like in bed" and i would get massively uncomfortable when they tried to tell me what i'd be like during sex. i tried to say "well, good thing i won't have sex" and shrug it off, but they'd persist like "but if you DID have sex..."). i don't know if they ever understood the aromantic part. i've had to refer to my queerplatonic partner as my boyfriend for them to understand that he's not "just" a friend.

it never stops being frustrating though. you'd think that being aromantic and asexual would be easy to understand. there is literally nothing romantic/sexual to feel about other people. i guess it says something about what romance and sex mean to other people haha

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brumagem May 30th, 2015, 12:53 pm

See this is the difference between a sexually liberated society, and a sexually liberalized society.

Sexually liberated: "You're asexual? That's cool, tell me more about your experience with that."

Sexually liberalized: "You're asexual? No, everyone thinks about sex all the time, something's wrong and you need help etc."

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daviddoesntgetit May 30th, 2015, 2:07 pm

@embeddedMatrix: She clearly fucking said she was aromantic/asexual! I asked him several times to make sure. The most amazing part is usually when people tell you stories it's biased and you have the wrong impression of the person they're complaining about. Despite only seeing his side, I still managed to sympathize very strongly for the girl and was about to ask him if I could hang out with her instead 'cause what the fuck.

That was the first thing she said to him! She clearly outlined what she wanted to avoid this shit from happening. I'm aromantic, asexual, I just want friends to hang out with. How could you state it any more clearly? How?

Hahahaha. That's a good analogy. But yeah, basically. Fucking christ.

I thankfully have not talked to that guy sense though he seemed keen on starting a friendship. I definitely was not. Apparently me actually yelling at him wasn't enough of a hint.

This guy though. He's the epitome of people in 90s sitcoms that meet a gay person but thinks something can still spark and expresses problem in the gay person or situation rather than themselves.

I tried really hard to be understand of this guy but after this shit about asexuals I just gave the fuck up. There was just no way.

@Tristan232: Haha, really? That's good to know. I tried talking to other people, they always frame their romance in a way that I can understand. Like saying they had things in common or were happy to see each other, that makes sense. But this guy and him talking about how they were one, people said that just seemed obtuse and abstract and they couldn't understand either, haha.

But thanks, that makes me feel better about myself. Every time I watch movies I feel like I never understand the romances until Miriam explains to me it's just poorly written. Sometimes it makes sense to me and then sometimes I'm just extremely confused, haha.

I know, right? That's the thing, I usually try to understand the person's position if they don't understand something about asexuality and then I try to inform them about it. But this guy would not fucking listen to a thing I fucking said. HE JUST SAID NO. That was his immediate response to any explanation I could possibly offer him. Just no. Ok? Do you have an actual retort or explanation for why you disagree or are you just going to keep fucking saying no?

Haha, it's ok. I feel like it's been a long fucking time since I had to deal with this so it was about time. Thanks though.

@incondite: Haha, I had one friend that said to me concerning this story, "I don't... understand how anyone can possibly have a problem with asexuals and aromantics, how could this possibly affect them? How? Even though I'm against it, I can see why they have a problem with gays because of the bible but how asexuals? There's nothing to be mad about!"

Then I told him about this extremely Christian friend of mine that told me she didn't approve of my asexuality 'cause God made us to procreate. He was also amazed.

Then I brought up how people sometimes get offended if you don't drink alcohol when they do 'cause they somehow take it personally. Like you're judging them or something akin to that. It just goes with people taking everything fucking personally, like being against gay marriage. Despite the fact that these gay people are thousands of miles away getting married and they will possibly never interact, it's somehow still personal. Or like when people get mad that a show they like gets popular and suddenly they don't like it anymore, people just take shit personally when really they're just being selfish shits.

I'm sorry you're not the only person on Earth and have to learn to deal with people. It must be so tough on your fragile sense of self and being.

You told your high school friends you were asexual? That's impressive, I just gave up on my high school friends and ditched them, haha. Yes, holy shit! I had friends that did that fucking hypothetical scenario too and for some reason when I expressed discomfort they'd get offended. Me being asexual isn't fucking trying to repress your sexuality. I'm not a fucking celibate person running around telling you to keep it in your pants, all I'm doing is if you're gonna have sex how about not involve me? Is it the non-participatory part that pisses people off? What the fucking fuck.

Yeah, it definitely does. I get putting a high value on it but I dunno. My friends and I were also talking about how sexual the 70s were as a response and how as a result free sex seems liberal so despite being asexual and not celibate, people might view you as retroactive. Which they actually are by refusing to try to understand us so that's great and now everyone's mad, haha.

Agh. I'm so mad right now.

@brumagem: Haha, I'll be honest. I tried looking up the difference between the two words and I'm still confused. I guess I'm dumb like that.

Ok, I kinda get it now, I think?

Yeah, it's kinda funny that being aseuxal means I get flack on both ends of the spectrum. I get flack from conservative people telling me I need to procreate or that I'm just not normal.

Then I get flack from liberals saying I'm also not normal. So both sides that hate each other could learn something from this and come together to hate me instead of fighting each other.

Maybe I'll learn to be a martyr for the greater good, haha.

Ah. Fuck. I fucking hate dealing with people sometimes.

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yaoi4evandnevayuri May 30th, 2015, 5:47 pm

@daviddoesntgetit: LMAO. loooooool

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BurstThrough May 30th, 2015, 10:23 pm

@yaoi4evandnevayuri: That guy is able to feel love but clearly can't understand it, being self-centered made him unable to compute that people can live confortably without sex or love therefore capable being absolutely independent and needing no spouse such a concept may to him seem more likely he'll end up alone wich to him is dreadful.
As humanity minds are somehow programed to see that they may need to overcome difficulty to be able to be considered a potential mate he most likely thought he could win her over instead of just killing such hopes as she's imune to such a process and told him so but as he seems to base the idea of romantic intimacy from Hollywood he saw all interactions as the plot advancing towards the steriotyped romantic rlashionship.Such a sad induvigual really.If I believed in god i'd pray for him to quit his delusions.

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Errored May 30th, 2015, 10:59 pm

Yagh, I just got a full-body shudder from this guy. On the one hand I want to yell in his face, on the other I don't want to be anywhere near him.
I'm an aromatic asexual, too, and I don't understand or want romantic love, and I don't want to hear about being a "late bloomer" or not finding the right man yet (heard these both in the past year), and I REALLY REALLY don't want my just being nice to people, something I like to do, to be taken as some kind of come-on by creeps like this guy. I'm sorry you had to put up with that.

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roxjey May 31st, 2015, 9:47 am

oh
my
fuck!
I HATE WHEN A MAN THINKS THAT HE IS ENTITLED TO THE LOVE OF A WOMAN JUST BECAUSE SHE IS NICE TO HIM
'it was obvious' doesnt mean: 'she wants me'
because she told him that she was aromantic so wtf! ugh this is awful he is awful and i kind of want to punch him in the throat D:

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Reealt May 31st, 2015, 9:52 am

Man, I know that feeling. I try to hang out with some guys as friends, and I've said multiple times I've asexual and generally unattracted to pretty much everyone romantically, but I still get the whole- you're totes into me and my bod rite? thing. AND THE COLD THING. Uggggh.

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Lori (Guest) June 1st, 2015, 8:02 am

Man... this. Let me tell you. This is the most frustrating thing in the entire fucking planet. I have to deal with all the time on a chat site I use where I clearly and explicitly tell users straight-up that I'm not available for a romantic or sexual online relationship. Not because I'm asexual or aromantic, but because I can't feel that way for random people I haven't ever spent time with in real life. Most common responses:
"Please believe/trust me."
"I can make you happy/love/aroused."
"You are so cold/mean/cruel/rude."
"Why are you so shy? You can be open with me."
"But I like you."
"Just try once."

The only explanation I can even think of is that these people just don't consider that other human beings have thoughts and feelings of their own.

IMHO, they aren't looking at the person - they're looking at their idea of the person. They prefer their own imagined, cliched scenarios to the individual in front of them. Which is why it's so infuriating - you're talking to a wall, they're either talking to a movie or a mirror.

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Petunia (Guest) June 1st, 2015, 7:53 pm

My favorite thing in this situation is to switch the topic to being gay.
"Are you gay? No? You must just be repressed and under-educated in the ways of love. Your poor cold heart will never know what it is to be TRULY warm. Such a sad life :("
The responses are usually intensely satisfying.

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NumberSix June 1st, 2015, 10:43 pm

While I am a sexual person, I don't make strict generalizations about asexual/aromantic people. I don't expect them to understand what it feels like on my side, nor do I expect sexual people to understand. Only I can understand.

It's fine to rant, but then to freak out on someone because they don't know what you're talking about is pretty...........I can't find a word for this.

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daviddoesntgetit June 2nd, 2015, 12:00 pm

@Errored: Yeah, even for normal people having basic human decency and being nice get interpreted as expressing interest in starting a relationship is frustrating.

Haha, I've heard all that.

@roxjey: Yeah. She told him that she wasn't interested in romance, she explained to him about what she was and he still didn't listen. It was pretty goddamn amazing.

@Reealt: Yeah. I tried to explain to the guy that since she probably didn't interpret anything as romantic or asexual so if it did seem like she, she probably didn't mean it.

Haha, people have called you cold too? Never had that happen to me.

@lori: Haha. Miriam and Connor were talking about the same thing when that guy at work wouldn't stop harassing her, that he had this image of her and what would happen between the two of them so he kept acting upon those desires rather than listening to anything she had to say to him.

Yeah, it's that exact thing you're complaining about. It's just frustrating that people don't listen.

@petunia: Haha. Is that your go to strategy?

@NumberSix: As I stated multiple times it's not about them not understanding, it's the fact they refused to listen to any explanation or attempt I mad at explaining asexuality and aromantic. Their immediate response to anything I had to say or explain was simply, "Nah, I don't think so."

Him reacting to the girl he was in love with that way is endemic of romantic problems as a whole, as my sister Miriam has brought up multiple times, where clearly stating she has no interest in dating them only makes them think they have to try harder. They make up an idea of how this relationship will play out and instead of listening to the other person, they continue their pursuit based on whatever story they've concocted for the two of them in their head.

I'm complaining about the fact that the guy did not take into account what the girl clearly outlined what she wanted from him, which was only friendship, and instead made his own assumptions, which was that she did want a romantic relationship after stating, from the beginning, she had no interest in such a thing, then yes, I do have a problem. As stated by the last line of my author's comment, it's not about the miscommunication, it's about the refusal to listen.

This isn't a fucking matter of asexuals versus sexuals. This is a matter of people not listening a minority group. This applies to any sort of minority group, race, class, etc. The problem here is when rather than listening to outlier interests or wants or desires or needs, people make assumptions.

The problem here is willful ignorance.

As for the nature of the comic, I have limited space and don't really have time to make a complete accurate retelling of the two hour talk I had with the guy or the nuances of my reactions, but if you want to interpret it as me freaking out on the man feel free to assume that.

After hearing about people I know constantly getting harassed to start a relationship after clearly telling the other person they had no interest, it's hard for me to not get mad about it. I've seen the stress it causes them and people that don't know when to stop deserve to be taken down a peg.

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Reealt June 2nd, 2015, 12:06 pm

@daviddoesntgetit: Yeah, I don't get it. They also don't say that till I reveal I'm not really interested in romance or sex. And on your response to NumberSix, I agree. It's a difference between being ignorant of something, and willfully ignoring what people say. I think you put it pretty well into the comic, and didn't seem like you were freaking out about it.

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Dumah June 10th, 2015, 12:09 am

Ughhh is that guy the same one who asked me out after I told pretty much everybody in my social group at work that I'm asexual and I think sex and kissing is gross? He went about it in a creepy way, too, though I didn't realize it until afterward. I'd clearly stated I don't want to date anybody because I became a doormat in my last/only relationship, so this guy went about it in a LET'S BE FRIENDS! way, which I'd been having problems with my (now former) group of friends not from work, so I was like "aw right! new friend!"

After like a couple days of texting and hanging out playing video games--wherein he started giving me back rubs (???) without ASKING (???!!!!) and I was kinda like "uhhhh this is weird but I like back rubs and I guess if he wants to I'll let him, although he didn't ask me if it was okay first...." WE MEET AGAIN, DOORMAT SELF. Then at work he said "hey maybe we could get dinner sometime!" and I didn't think anything of it, so I was like "okay."

And then I realized, wait. Dinner is date territory, right?? Did he just ask me out? So I confronted him and he was kind of evasive, then finally said yes it was a date. And then he fucking told me to "wear something nice". And I'm a feminist and gender fluid, and I hadn't told him that although my two best friends know. So I was just like....you don't get to fucking tell me what to wear, especially when I might not even BE a girl that day, which would give me dysphoria if I dressed like one.

But doormat me went. Most boring date of my life. Hung out at his place a couple days after that where he "broke up" with me, I think? He kept whining about not wanting to hurt me, was sorry he "led" me on, he talked to his therapist and realized he's a sex addict(!), and needs to work on himself before blah blah blah relationship shit. The whole time I just wanted to laugh. Me, hurt? I didn't want to fucking date in the first place!

And after that I found out he went on vacation with his GIRLFRIEND the weekend before our date, as well as seeing a "friends with benefits" on the side. I got the vibe that he wanted me to be a FWB too, or at least get back with me when his therapist thought he was doing better, or something. Idk. I pretty much shunned him after that, because I have zero tolerance for cheaters...and also I figured he just wanted sex, which he must've finally realized he wasn't gonna fucking get from me.

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pohjoiseen June 11th, 2015, 3:27 am

I didn't tell my school friends I'm asexual because I am sure they wouldn't understand. They know me from times when I was still confused as to who I am and didn't realise I was asexual (I didn't even know asexuality exists). I kept repeating what they said and pretended I felt the same about boys and dating because, I don't know, adapting mechanisms? When you are a teenager world tells you you are supposed to want to date. Media, your family and friends. That's what is normal and so you try to blend in, not stand out. I just never stopped to think: "Is this really what I want? Why do I want it?". Now my friends from school think I grew bitter with age because I don't have a boyfriend. They turn patronising when thay start to talk about sex and men, like I'm still a child and I don't understand what they're talking about and they are adults. This whole "having sex makes you a real man/woman" bullshit.
Not to mention the famous "You just haven't met the right guy yet!". No. Don't. I usually smile and murmur something because if I try to explain that no, the whole point is I won't fall in love, they just smile in this patronising, condescending way and utter shit like: "You just say that because you haven't experienced this wonderfull feeling like I did. You will though, and then you will understand". Makes me want to scream and kill them. THEY know. THEY say. THEY think so and so it HAS TO be that way for EVERYBODY. One day I'll admit that THEY were right.
Also, the next person to sell me this: "we are the halves of an orange/apple/watemelon/some other fucking fruit" bullshit is going to get their wish granted and cut in half.

So, my rant aside, I agree with you that it is not that people don't understand asexuality that's infuriating, it's that they won't listen to what asexuals themselves have to say. It's that people are incapable of changing their mind and opinion. They just don't listen.

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daviddoesntgetit July 9th, 2015, 6:46 pm

@Reealt: Haha, thanks. Yeah, it's fucked up that a lack of romantic attraction is equated to being cold, as if platonic, familial love is relegated to the back seat. Eugh.

@Dumah: What the fuck! I hate that shit, after clearly stating how being friends is all you want and they keep pushing that shit as if you're playing hard to get, it's fucking awful fucking bullshit.

Haha. I can feel that doormat thing, I get that mentality where I know I'm the odd one out so I try to be accommodate everyone else at the price of my discomfort but I've been learning to put my food down about that shit.

Man. That guy, at least he apologized, I suppose.

@pohjoiseen: Hahahaha. That's unbelievable but at the same time, yup. I've heard all that shit too. And yes, it's just when they refuse to listen. I still have our mom telling me that I just haven't met the right person to experience true love.

When I tell people I'm perfectly happy with platonic and familial love, they tend to get weirded out or think I'm just lying to cover up my loneliness.