August 3rd, 2015, 5:23 pm

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387-It's not that lonely

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daviddoesntgetit August 3rd, 2015, 5:39 pm

I'm eternally thankful for all the people I know.

Since I don't have as much time to reply to comments as I used to, I think I'll take this time to reply to what people have been saying about Mai.

I'm not going to at all equate that month long experience of raising Connor as an angry 13 year old to anything close to what mothers must feel, but it did give me a brief peek into how raising a child can take up so much of your time and how depressing it can get. I loved Connor but that alone isn't enough.

In media and stories, we tend to equate a mother's love as something that unrequited and boundless, something that everyone should just receive with no price. That's quite a thing to ask of a human being, to be able to shell out unconditional love and ask nothing in return forever.

In America, and in media, there's that idiom of not getting enough love from their mom as a shortcut to growing up to be a shitty person. That's quite a lot of pressure.

I don't know what Mai's going through, I'm not going to even ask, I'm sure she gets it enough from my family, but I also do not understand shoving motherhood on her. I understand, she willingly gave birth but at the same time I don't really condone the idea of having any sort of idea or at all fathoming whatever emotions she must be feeling. If she feels that much duress from being around Joshua, I doubt suddenly forcing her and Joshua to be together would do either party any good.

I have one friend who is about my age and still dating, so it's not uncommon for him to date people with children, and he understands unless he's willing to love the person's children, he doesn't really have any business dating them, it's a package deal. That's his opinion on the matter, yours might be different. Our stepmom really didn't give a shit about us, the thought of letting Joshua have to live with a mother that doesn't want him is not something I want him to feel.

At the same time, I understood our stepmom was 22 and was just into some guy and suddenly found herself spending all her time at home raising his kids.

It's complicated, I don't really know if there's a right solution, you're free to have whatever opinion you want but in my case I understand that there are complicated feelings from all sides and this is the best solution I can find right now, which is I'm pretty ok raising Joshua, despite all my trepidation, I have people supporting me and I think he's cute as hell. Even if it's not the ideal family situation, I think I can raise him in a happy environment.

Rather than condemn Mai, I would hope that you guys could wish me luck and hope Mai and Bernard manage to find happiness in their lives down their line.

As to the couple of readers asking me where Brad is, he'll show up next comic.

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SOABS August 3rd, 2015, 5:58 pm

This page feels like a bright spot in a dark room, and I can't wait to sees Brad, even though u guys haven't gotten on, he's a better person than some of the "friends" I've fazed out my life, like a girl I knew who was so dumb she didn't know who are PM is (face palm)

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Gore-chan August 3rd, 2015, 6:55 pm

I'm so glad you have that opinion about Mai. My boyfriend and I are in our early 20s and we have both decided for various reasons that we DO NOT want to reproduce(he has extreme depression and I have anxiety and depression and a risk of schizophrenia), so I empathize with Mai. The want to not be a mother I can identify with, and being pushed into something to keep someone else happy, to give them what they feel they need to be happy, even at ones own expense. It's an awful feeling, and I'm more glad that she was upfront about it finally instead of spending all day cooped up in a house with a baby she didn't want. That's how awful things happen(not that I'm saying they would, but people do crazy things when under extreme stress). I'm so glad she has such a wonderful family to help Joshua. I just hope, like you said, one day she and Bernard can be happy.

I cannot stress enough David, you're an amazing person, and you are exactly who Joshua needs. There is no one better for him, even through all your fear, and the fact that you're doing this, with such open and loving arms, and doing the best you can, even through your trepidation is amazing, and I hope you know you're doing amazing.

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Zero_Artist August 4th, 2015, 1:54 am

AH, hello!
It's been too long, barely started reading up again until I found out about what happened after Joshua was born.

It's sad, I'm sorry to hear that with Joshua. But he has a great family to help and support him as he grows up. I hope he grows up happy and healthy! So I wish you luck, and hope for the best with Mai and Bernard! As for Connor, hopes he has fun and joy with the Africa thing. As for Miriam; I live in California~ Hope her And Adjeet have fun here, get use to the drought we're having.

And for you...well thanks. It's probably weird to say but..this lil' journal really helped with my own life. I appreciate you just laying it out, something I don't know is as easy as just drawing it. I thank you, for getting me inspired again and hopeful too. I sincerely hope you stay so too.

Btw; brad is a good guy. But I was wondering if I could have his opinion on architech as a major in college. Sorry, haha, it's just college is just a year or two away and I want to know how it is finding a job or how the daily grind is, possibly how classes may be. Sorry again..

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MoogleSam August 4th, 2015, 6:25 am

I do hope things turn out well for you all and I'm glad Mai and Bernard have you to help out in this situation.

And I do agree people overly place importance on the mother. Children need love from somewhere, but it shouldn't be the mother being forced to do it when they can't deal with it.

I really wish there was actually a recovery period after a birth where a mother just isn't expected to do anything at all (except breastfeeding as necessary if they decide they wish to do so) so that they can just decompress while their hormones regulate.

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Reealt August 4th, 2015, 6:38 pm

It must be scary learning to take care of Joshua, but at least you have a lot of family to help with it. I wish you all the best of luck, and I'm sure Joshua will grow up happy in a house filled with love.

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roxjey August 5th, 2015, 11:24 am

Yeah i was feeling like Mai was being kind of 'demonized' when is just that she is not feeling well
you cant expect that everyone will be able to take care of a baby even if that baby is theirs
i think you are actually doing great, you have support from your siblings and from us as well
i also think Joshua is super mega hyper cute!
Sending all my love and support from here! even if are just words i hope you are doing ok and keep getting better and better at it!

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cstar (Guest) August 8th, 2015, 11:42 pm

From your previous comics it seems like Bernard has always wished for a child, and he also read so many books and put so much preparation into it. Mai, on the other hand, doesn't want a child. In my opinion most marriages couldn't last though such a fundamental difference of opinion. For their sake I hope it lasts, but they'll have to have a really strong relationship for that to be possible.
I agree with your point that people shouldn't be forced into parenthood, because it takes so much time and emotional involvement, but it kind of seems like you're the one being forced right now. I know you love Joshua, but this is where I think Mai is being kind of unfair on others.
Then again, if she really doesn't feel a connection with Joshua, it's probably for the best after all. Some might say that a child will feel inadequate if they're unwanted by a parent, but it looks like Joshua is surrounded by loving people. As long as he has that I think he'll be fine.
So I guess what I'm saying is, even though I initially disapproved, I can't judge Mai. She's thought about the situation more than anyone, and she has legitimate reasons for the choices she made. I'm glad that you're a safe person to talk to for her.
And I wish you the best of luck with little Joshua!

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Dumah September 18th, 2015, 2:12 am

I personally do not like babies. I didn't hold my newest nephew until he was a couple weeks old, and then I passed him to someone else. But now that he's a year and a half, he's got personality and wants to play and is becoming a person, and I don't mind babysitting him. Whereas a baby just.... needs constant care and love. And I can't do that.

Anyway... Good luck! I'm sure you're doing just great :)